Shattered DREAMs

Friday, August 25, 2006

alrites!
hasnt been blogging for daes. 3 daes?
haha. alrite. no mood to blog.

3daes details.

23/08
wed.
went to rotary dinner again. at calton hotel again.=) food was great though. it was a larger room than previous.
that's the reason y i din manage to blog.
i felt so extra that dae. it was only meant for pres and sec, but nic told ms lim he wans.
me..so extra. cos i ask jiayi y pres and sec cn go? y vp cnt go.
so she asked ms lim. ms lim say cn then go lor.
then forget bring tie. got geok to rush down for me. she took cab.
then i paid her 10 bucks lor.
hais. im sort of jealous.
watcha the pres noes and does, i myself doesnt noe and do.
i find myself difficult to work under my pres.
i noe abit more of interact club than her though, so smtimes trying to guide her.
but she doesnt noe that. so she does things her own way.
ending up things of chaos.
hais. i dun wan say her. ltr she think im climbing over her head.
i suppose to support her. i giving her support by guiding her with the things i noe.
but she doesnt see that.
hais. i dun wan say liao. my heart breaks more.

24/08
thurs.
din go sch until recess.
i stayed home to rest. then see doc. then go sch.
alot ppl say i stupid, got mc yet come sch.
but it's phy paper. i alr failed chem, if i dun come for phy, i may get 0 even with mc.
if i come at least fail oso got abit of marks.
then i got back my maths paper.
missed to see the new batch of sec1s psl.
27/55 for maths. it's like WTF rite?
half more mark to pass.
even though i nid half more mark. still nt happy.
wanted A2. then din get.hais.
i dunno wad to do lar.
in the report bk if fail hw? retain? drop?
i dun wan ='(

25/08
todae.
got back chinese paper after sch.
failed and kanna scolding. it is like mr ng say i nv do.
is not i nv do, is i dun have enough time.
im innocent lor. he nv ask me even be4 he say me.
i v sad. i told zi hui until i almost cried.
it is like the judge gif u a death sentence even before they allow u to hire a lawyer.
he think i dun wan finish 1 mehs. i wan fail?
i was a chinese A student lor. but hais.
i study oso cnt get the things into my mind.
when he haf lesson tok so much craps.
hais.
it is a life sentence nw.
i fail all so far except for bio, geo.
cn believe it?only with bio, i cnt be promoted.
is this my fate?

yesterdae i asked him to tag my blog. he dun understand.
hais.
i had been thinking of him lesser nw.
i dunno y. like the feeling on and off.
i wan him to noe. but he never noes.
probably if he visit tis blog, he would noe.

for others. which is like only 2-3 guys. dun worry.
nt for those who is my kor or even i say u sound like a kor.
siblings mean siblings.

i dun think he noe im toking abt him.
hais.

`i dun wan to retain/drop~

i hope u noe who im toking abt u~

8:35 PM; shattered dreams.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

erm. gonna post abt 2 daes.
cos yesterdae when wan blog, the comp siao.
alrites. so this is wad happens...

yesterdae 21/08/06

as per normal. went to sch and take common test.
it was maths paper. though i noe how to do. but i not sure.
i even forgotten abt the formulaes.
hais..as normal. after test, many many cried.
for girls.
it was horrigible to see so many cry.
after sch went greentea corner with saliza.
ended up zi ning they also there. so we say no privacy.
we went to another void deck.
when we went out of sch. yingting broke down.
so worried abt her lar. yet she dun c it.
until this morning then she ok.
after eating and slacking at void deck, went home.
reach home only like 6.
then called my mum. told her abt zhou hua jian concert.
then told her the bad news was that i failed my eng.
she thought i retain. hais.
i'm very scared.
so far. i only pass 1 sub.which is bio lor.
hais.

todae. 22/08/06

took poa paper. i feel like crying out loud.
i dun even understand a single question.
all anyhow write 1. i nv felt so stupid.
hais. as usual. slacked at greentea corner.
but this time with edmond.
we played the drinking game again.
he bought the sprite ice. drink liao everybody oso like wan vomit.
LOL.
was abit pek chek doing things jus nw.
HE's sch installation lor. wan 5 ppl.then nick keep cnt contact.
haix..
then he told me say meichin the whole board going.
in fact is none of them lor.
hais. scare me when i heard the false alarm.

ms kang on mc todae. like 1st time in the yr she took mc.
hais.. i say she mark our paper until vomit blood.
then bo bian nid c doctor.
im prepare for my tears tml.
hais.
how. this common test all do so badly.
how to pass by the end of the yr?
i dun wan retain. i dun wan drop.
i dunno wad i wan.
haix.

jus nw like trying to create topic to tok to him.
i jus find myself so stupid doing that.
he dun sound interested at all.
hais. next wed i going to scare him off with my size.
hais.

`never felt so stupid before~

8:48 PM; shattered dreams.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

i shall post abt yesterdae & todae.

yesterdae 19/8/06
early in the morning woke up and went to sch for poa remedial, a combine class with 3f.
met saliza at bus stop as usual.
mr lim tok tok tok, i understand only abit.
is like he toking to the walls lar. many wont listening though.
i was there like playing and toking with saliza.
haha.
after that went central to buy colour pens.
spent 6 bucks. the pen oso not bad to use. smells gd though.
after that went over to senior citizen corner.
wanted study, end up going to coffee shop buy food.
ask the uncle there to help us look after our bags.
haha. feel so paiseh.
after eat wanted to do maths 1. then end up we two no mood.
she eat and think abt her ____,
i was there, drawing,vandalising my bk, think of him.
the drawing wasnt bad, still quite nice.

todae 20/8/06
jus came back from kovan not long.
mum fetch me there to buy shoe, sch shoes.
i bought sleese 1. cos i think it is rather long lasting, and its nice.
but on my leg, i doubt so.
came back eat chips. i ate alot at kovan.
ltr going to meet maine at j8. going to weibo's autograph session.
its at 6.30. yet we meeting at 3. i going bring my maths there to study.
i suppose we going buy things for weibo bahs.
i long nv go for autograph session le.
if nt sun, i oso nt free to go.
i haf yet to learn my maths.
die liao lar. tml is maths common test liao lehs.
i wish myself gd luck for my maths common test.

missing him.

12:46 PM; shattered dreams.

Friday, August 18, 2006

back to blog. todae ltr, cos was in sch till like bout 5pm.
then when study corner, play, chat with saliza and edmond.
this few daes slightly closer to them, cos take bus home together.
we were there playing like siao. a bottle of green apple soft drink,many many sets of scissor, paper, stone.
with such simple stuff, we had lots of fun.
plus a pour of ice mountain on edmond head.
=)) serious fun between the 3 of us.
haha, we like siblings like that. the both of them are my didi and mei mei.
smiles=D

happy liao, time for sad stuff.
i failed my chem. 23 and half/50.
last time is 30+ 1. now drop until like that. hais.
i've got no more motivations to study anymore.
i'm afraid of failing, so i dun dare to take paper anymore, im afraid of failing more papers.
life is so unfair.
normally those who fail, pass this time.
yet me, fail when they pass. when they fail i pass with flying colours.
there's no more mood for studies.

-no more mood for studies.
-no more motivations
-i lost all the Ms.

6:53 AM; shattered dreams.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

here again. to post=)
went to amk central jus nw. with YT-ING
we went pasar malam. eating, playing, chatting like siao-cha-bos.
we girls nv been normal.

jus now in sch after recess. shir tok to me.
she asked me, how come this time go recess nv wait for her.
it has been so long then she realised it.
actually, nt very long story, also no1 is at fault.
its jus that i find that the distance between me and her became so far apart.
previous times, i go recess with her, she finish eating and she could tell me that she leave with mei or becca or ying 1st.
im sorta feeling left out.
rather being left out, of cos this time i go with ppl whom i wont feel left out.
like example yt or saliza.
haix. our distance apart had became so big. as if now, i dunno ur life and u dunno mine.
even the bag, jus bought not long nia. u chnged it le. nw same as mei.
you're giving the feeling like u dun take this frenship in mind.
maybe i shant think tis way.
u haf the freedom of chngin ur bags.
now. it doesnt matter to me anymore.
it seems like we only tok when it comes to interact or psl.
besides all this, i doubt if we even chatted about other stuff.
that time it was u who suggested getting the bag, but now, tis is wad happen.
i find the bag meaningless nw.
i wan to chng it. i dunno y.
if u happen to read, im not blaming u.
all i cn do is put the blame on myself.
frenship maintainance is on ourself and not the partner.
i din do a gd job, letting the gaps between to widen.
if u read tis, cn i ask u a ques?
cn we go to study together tis weekend?
it really seems so long since we 2 go out tgt, only the 2 of us.
i full of 'life story' to share with u. u noe?

heard during recess that 3h only haf 4 passes for their eng.
3h such gd language class, already so many fail.
my class, standard lower, wont it be worse.
i afraid to take test paper back now. or rather doing the test.
i've got enuf of failing. when cn i put a stop to it.
i wan to study. whenever im hope. i cnt study. there's too much distractions.
i wan study, yet the knowledge cnt get into my brain.
so many braincells haf been killed.
mum says, if i pass my eng she gif me 20 bucks.
probably i've got to wait longer to get tis 20 bucks.

i'll stop here for todae.
`missing someone=)

5:20 PM; shattered dreams.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

i jus came back frm sch. and nw im here to blog.
im gonna slp ltr on. damn tired nowadaes, so busy with common test.
im all so last min, i study all the subject only the day before.
im gonna regret all this, now and forever.
ate lunch in sch. it's my first time, sitting together with so many classmates of 3e,
enjoying my lunch, leaving the sch with all sorts of craps and laughters.
this is wad i've been seeking for this few years. will i continue to get such gd frenships?
i suppose so.

i got back my bio paper 2dae. though i pass, but im disappointed in the marks i get. 29/50 converting to 100% is only 58% im aiming to get a b3 or a2, yet nw a c5. HOW IM I GOING TO REACH MY GOAL?
i believe i cn do better. next test, i would prove myself.
todae english paper, damn tough. i dun even understand the passage.
i rush through my passage b. i haven even started the second passage when mr koh said we have less than 15 mins left.
i was there like, wtf.
in the end, i finish the paper, leaving 1 vocab blank.
im not going to score well.
i cry my way when i get back the paper.
only leaving 1 more term or rather 1/2 a term to the end of year paper.
which i would depend on so much, to see if i go to sec4e, if not i will be remaining in3e.
once eng fail, that's the end.

tml is geo paper. im goin to study my way through 2nite.
im not goin to fail further more. i've got enough of failing and failing; more than enough.
but seriously, im sort of tired of studing.
even mskang's maths bk, i haven hand in. im goin to do it tml.
im going mad with studies.
i just dun like it. somehow, sometimes i just wan to slp on my bed, never wake up, still alive.
if i have the chance, i dun wan to wake up, never feeling hunger.
can i do that? i doubt so.
sometimes, i really dun understand, what is life all about?
slp, study, work, earn money, eat, spend and die?
is tis what life is all about?
if it is, im tired of it.

allow me to slp, never to wake up.

3:50 PM; shattered dreams.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

alrites.
tis is my 1st post. i created a new blog. becos unfortunately e previous ones ain't working.
i'll try to maintain tis blog, i've said tis many times, but i nv succed.
only thing i can say now, is 'i'll try my very best to sustain.'

i reported sick from sch todae. right after common test ended. was having a serious bad headache, seeing double images, coughing to the heaven.
and when i told someone, he said i lied.
i told him to ask even before he says i lie.
i had been very guai tis term, very little absents i had. it's jus too unlucky of me, that the haze came all the way to singapore, from wherever. whenever the haze strike singapore, i'll get sick.
what's still worse, i'm having my common test 3 now.

i stayed home to sleep, slept for like 4-5 hours.
i can study till late today. at least that i have more time for my studies, however, i wasted like 1-2hrs on this blog. it's alrites. cos i slept in the afternoon.

i heard from jacob before i left sch, that ms kang scolded again. got the news from meng shan becos that the class din do corrections. also, mr koh gets angry too.
this 2 HOD gotta chill out.
we are still young, we are packed with so much things a day.
it's common test nw, give us more time.
we need to play too.
chill out.

i'll stop here for now. i wanna watch the tv=)

4:50 PM; shattered dreams.